There are days I feel like I'm not really human. I just can't do normal social things that other people can do. I can't remeber names, no matter what I try. I can't relate to human things like sports or family. Even having conversations is something I can't help but feel I'm not doing right. Everyone's in one big spiderweb but it's woven so wonderfully and expertly it makes no sense to me.
Everything I have in this strange other world is a lie. Wither a spoken or physiological lie. I rely on a confidence I've never had, do acts for the false connection with outsiders I don't really care for, and overall strive forward for God knows what purpose. I find myself constantly estranged and unmotivated using videogames and television to keep my physiologically stable conter-part in control while part of me longs for the warm, syrupy feel of crimson life blood to crawl down my hands. Just the thought gives me a longing hunger I know isn't normal but DAMN does the thought feel good. It's the only time I ever feel warm. I do my best to distract it but I fear for my "correct" self when the day comes that need is finnaly met.
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